


my heart beats blue (but only for you)

by ThatSpicySeaFlapFlap



Series: sakuatsu angst week 2021 [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, SakuAtsu Angst Week 2021
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:35:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29973327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatSpicySeaFlapFlap/pseuds/ThatSpicySeaFlapFlap
Summary: Kiyoomi's last conversation with Atsumu before going abroad.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Series: sakuatsu angst week 2021 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2204634
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17
Collections: SakuAtsuAngstWeek





	my heart beats blue (but only for you)

“So.” Atsumu started. This conversation had been long coming and long avoided. “Canada?”

Kiyoomi nodded from across the table, sunlight illuminating his features in a golden halo, making his already perfect features seem angelic. “It’s only for a year or two.”

Atsumu shrugged, shifting his position so his discomfort was hidden, swirling his straw in his drink. “That’s a pretty long time.”

“Maybe,” Kiyoomi hummed. His posture then straightened out of his slight-slump from seconds earlier. He pushed his drink off to the side of the table, next to the window. The other patrons of the cafe ignored them, oblivious towards the growing tension between the two men. “We need to talk.”

“We do.” Atsumu agreed, then plunged his straw into his drink, the sound of the ice cubes knocking against each other drowning out the growing hole in his chest, right above his heart. “But let’s talk about something else first.”

“Atsumu-”

_ “Please.”  _ He breathed, before casting his gaze across the establishment. The cashier was a young woman, probably no more than a few years younger than him. Over on a table to his left, a couple, most likely in their thirties, were joyolously giggling, oblivious to the world in their bubble of love . “Remember our first date, ‘Omi? Right here, at this table. I remember, at the time, thinking that life couldn’t get any better than then.”

Kiyoomi looks at him dryly. “You spilled half your tea on me.” 

Atsumu’s lips quirk upwards. “It wasn’t that much.”

“It was a large drink, Atsumu. You stained my pants.” 

They laughed, but the sound was compressed by the weight of the room, the weight of their future. 

Kiyoomi swallowed. “I love you Atsumu,” he said. 

“I love you too.” 

“I love you, and I don’t want to leave you, but…”

“But.” Atsumu grabbed Kiyoomi’s hands. “There’s always a ‘but,’ isn’t there?”

“Yes,” he forced out. “There always is.”

“Our careers matter.”

“They do. You matter too.”

Atsumu squeezed his hand. “I hate that we have to pick. I hate that we have to choose one as more important.”

Kiyoomi laughed; bitterly, coldly, as if the whipping winds of the arctic had coiled up inside his lungs, only to spring out in a chuckling gust of pain. “That’s the way of the world, I guess.” 

“It really sucks, ya know? That the world wants us apart.”

“I don’t think the world cares, ‘Tsumu.” Kiyoomi said hoarsely. “Maybe, if it did, if it gave a fuck, it’d be better. Easier.” With their hands intertwined, it felt like tomorrow would never come. It would be just them, alone, in the cafe where they had their first date, forever. “Maybe then there'd be reason why we have to choose.”

“I don’t want to live without you, ‘Omi.” 

“Neither do I.”

A tear, small, quaint, virtually unnoticeable, poked out of Atsumu’s tear duct, and began a steady roll down his face. “But you can’t live without volleyball either.”

Kiyoomi shook his head. “I don’t want to choose.”

“I guess...it’s only two years.” 

“Can we do long distance?”

“I want to. I  _ really  _ want to, ‘Omi.”

Kiyoomi nodded. “Me too, but we have to be realistic. We’re busy people. We’ll be at games. We’ll be in two different countries.”

Atsumu swallowed. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

“Me neither.”

“So,” Atsumu said. “Is this it? Is this...the end?”

Kiyoomi sighed. “I don’t know, but we’re,” he faltered at the words, the sound dying in his throat. “We’re-”

“We’re breaking up.” Atsumu supplimeted. “For now, at least.”

“For now,” Kiyoomi agreed. 

“Ya’ think it’ll be permanent?” 

“I don’t know.” 

Atsumu looked at him, square in the eyes. “I love ‘ya, Sakusa Kiyoomi. I love ‘ya so much my heart beats blue.”

He squeezed his hands together, gloved, of course. Atsumu was one of the first people in his life who never said anything about the gloves, or the masks, or his aversion to touching. He was one of the first people who never demanded an explanation, rather made himself available if Kiyoomi ever wanted to give him one. It was...nice, in a way, that he never had to justify himself with him. He could just breathe. “So do I, Miya Atsumu. You’re my oxygen.”

“You’ll have to breathe without me, though. You’ll have to find a new life force.” Atsumu gently rested his cheek on his arms, which were resting on the table. “I hate that you have to leave. Love isn’t supposed to work this way.”

“My older sister says half of love is circumstance. Maybe she’s right.” Kiyoomi shrugged. “Maybe she’s not. Maybe we’re soulmates who will weather distance and time. Maybe we’re just two people who’re at the right place and the right time.”

Atsumu looked up at him, his smile watery. “That doesn’t make this less special.”

“No,” Kiyoomi murmured, “it doesn’t.”

“I can’t promise I’ll wait.” Atsumu said. “Two years is a long time.”

“Okay,” Kiyoomi shuttered. “Neither can I.”

Staring at his drink, still almost full despite repeatedly stirring it with his straw, Atsumi said, “I guess this is it, then.”

“For now, maybe.” 

“Or forever.” 

Kiyoomi took a sip out of his drink. “Or forever.” 

“Kind of poetic, that the place we had our first date is the place where we have our last.”

Kiyoomi withheld a small smirk. “Poetic, or ironic.”

A heavy silence washed over them, interrupted periodically by the burbling of the cafe.

“I’ll miss you, ‘Omi.” Atsumu whispered, suddenly. “I’ll miss you so much I won’t know what to do with myself.”

Kiyoomi carefully took the crying man’s face in his hands. “You will. You’ll still go to volleyball practice. You’ll still go annoy your brother and play ping pong on the weekends with Bokuto and Hinata. You’ll still win.”

Atsumu swallowed. “It won’t be the same, ‘Omi. Our actions don’t make our life, it’s the people. And my,” his voice crackled, full of tears. “My favorite person is gonna be gone.”

“Maybe you’ll find a new favorite person.”

“Maybe I won’t.”

“Maybe.”

Atsumu’s breath hitched. “I guess that’s just life, though.”

Kiyoomi nodded. “I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you.”

“Neither do I.”

Kiyoomi glanced at the clock on the wall across from him, and when he saw the hands his heart sank. “I have to go. My flight’s soon.”

Atsumu bit his lip, before nodding. “So this is goodbye?”

Mist filled Kiyoomi’s eyes. “Yeah,” he said softly. “I guess it is.”

“Well then,” Atsumu swallowed harshly. He reached his hands out, and grabbed Kiyoomi’s, shaking it firmly. “Thank you, Sakusa Kiyoomi, for giving me the best years of my life.”

Kiyoomi blinked, in a failed attempt to remove the tears from his eyes. “Thank you too, Miya Atsumu. I love you.”

“Goodbye, Sakusa Kiyoomi.”

“Goodbye Miya Atsumu.” And then Kiyoomi stood, smoothed out his jacket, and left, the bell tinkling above the door on his way out. Gone.

**Author's Note:**

> for sakuatsu angst week day one: goodbyes.


End file.
